Ba'al And The Digiorno of Destruction

A Titanic, world-changing battle has been fought this day. Baal, Lord of Destruction has finally fallen to my mighty maul, Malice. Digiorno, the Deep Dish Pepperoni Pizza, has finally been consumed into my stomach. I overcame a great struggle, for I battled both, at the same time. But, this battle did not start with Baal himself, no, it was with his Minions that I first endeavored to ingest my first piece of this new pizza. Back and forth I ran, dealing death to his minions, back and forth with the Esc Button, devouring this Deep Dish. His minions slew me a great many times, for my maul is great, but my armor not. This Pizza stopped me many times, for my mouth is great, but my throat is not. Finally I slew his last minion, and finished the first two great slices of the deep dish pizza (as I cut it in four pieces.)

I am not an exceptionally big man, nor am I that small, and have many a time consumed entire pizzas by myself in times past. But I was beginning to be full, just as Baal’s room was littered with dead so I could not walk but on the corpses. I ran back to town to replenish my stocks, as I ran back down the stairs to replenish my drink and plate. I’d been sucking down healing and mana potions by the belt full, just as I had been draining the tea and milk from my fridge (as I mix the two into a drink.) I returned to my computer, as I returned to the chamber of the Worldstone. I could feel his unseen eyes watching me, from just off screen, just as I could feel my dog staring at me, waiting for her chance. Baal or my dog, I cannot decide which is more apt for the title “Lord of Destruction.” But that is irrelevant, as the pizza, and it’s pixilated counterpart, Baal, still stood before me.

I summoned all the creatures I could, and outfitted Bill, my Barbarian Mercenary, with the best equipment I could spare, then I ready myself by returning my plate to just in front of my key board. I waded in, confronting the last of the Prime Evils, and the remnants of the Digiorno. The battle was long, it lasted for almost and hour, and I repeatedly struck my maul against the foul creature, and constantly engaged my teeth to eat the pizza. My fingers ached, my neck was sore, my stomach…full. As the great Archangel Tyrael lowered into the chamber over Baal’s death stricken corpse, which Bill ended up getting the last strike in….ironically, as my dog snatched the finally morsel of pizza, I sat back tired and weary of my battle, stuffed and haggard. I watched the cinema at then end, content. A great thing had been done, great evils had been thwarted, even if no one in the Diablo world will ever know what was at stake when I killed Baal and my hunger, I did it gladly.

Indeed, I am a great hero, or incredibly hungry geek. But in the end, all is good again.

I can't wait for the dessert!