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Grome
Massively Subtle
Grome

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PostSubject: The Jocular Jokes Thread!   The Jocular Jokes Thread! I_icon_minitimeSat Dec 04, 2010 10:14 pm

Bring them on!

Can be Star Wars related, doesn't have to be.

Here's the starter:


Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met.
After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life
together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving
their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone
at the side of the road in distress.

Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa
Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any
children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa
and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along
delivering toys.

Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect
couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived
the accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?

A: The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really
existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus
and there is no such thing as a perfect man.

Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.




Men keep scrollin'...







So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect
woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was
a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading
this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.

_________________


When You Argue With Idiots
They Drag You Down To Their Level
And Beat You With Experience


Last edited by Grome on Sun Dec 05, 2010 11:30 am; edited 1 time in total
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Grome
Massively Subtle
Grome

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PostSubject: Re: The Jocular Jokes Thread!   The Jocular Jokes Thread! I_icon_minitimeSun Dec 05, 2010 11:20 am

One day,little Timmy was at school and heard the word "shit". He went home and asked his dad for the definition and he promptly told him "coats and jackets".

Timmy went to school the next day and heard the word "fucking", and for a second time, asked his father what it meant. His father promptly said "cooking".

Then,he returned to school the third day and heard the words "bitches and hoes". He went home and his father told him it meant "grandpa and grandma".

Later,on Thanksgiving night,his grandparents came over.
Timmy answered the door with glee and says...
"Hey bitches and hoes! I'll take your shit to the closet cause dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey!

_________________


When You Argue With Idiots
They Drag You Down To Their Level
And Beat You With Experience
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Grome
Massively Subtle
Grome

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Join date : 2010-11-15
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PostSubject: Re: The Jocular Jokes Thread!   The Jocular Jokes Thread! I_icon_minitimeSun Dec 05, 2010 11:29 am

MEN'S ENGLISH

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question
8. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
12. Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to have
sex with you
13. You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with
you within the next 3 minutes
14. Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep
person and then I'd like to have sex with you.
15. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

_________________


When You Argue With Idiots
They Drag You Down To Their Level
And Beat You With Experience
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Coldhart

Coldhart

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Location : St. Louis (Illinois side)

The Jocular Jokes Thread! Empty
PostSubject: Re: The Jocular Jokes Thread!   The Jocular Jokes Thread! I_icon_minitimeSun Dec 05, 2010 5:57 pm

Short and simple...


What did the sign outside of the brothel say?

We're closed, beat it!
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Coldhart

Coldhart

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PostSubject: Re: The Jocular Jokes Thread!   The Jocular Jokes Thread! I_icon_minitimeSun Dec 05, 2010 6:31 pm

Schwen, a famous, 38 year old St. Louis DJ had made it so big that he was able to retire at a young age.

Using his wealth, he buys a small cottage in the mountains.

After 6 months of hardly any human contact, except for venturing into town for supplies, he hears a knock on his door.

He opens the door to find this big, surly, bearded man standing in front of him.

"May I help you," Schwen asks.

"The name's Tee, I live 'bout two miles down the road in my cabin," the man says.

"I'm having a party this coming Saturday and I thought I'd invite you seein' that you're new and all here."

Schwen accepts the invitation saying, "Great, I haven't been out in six months."

Tee says "I gotta warn ya, there's gon' be a lot a drinkin at this party."

"Well, I've been to all the bars in St. louis and have held my ground with the best of them," Schwen replies.

"A lot of fightin' goes on at these parties too," Tee says.

Schwen replies "well, it'll be nice to get out and I think I can hold my own."

Tee offers, "there's also gon' be some wild love making."

"Well I have been alone for the last six months," Schwen says with a laugh.

So the two exchange numbers and directions and just as Tee is walking away Schwen says "What should I wear?"

Tee turns and replies, "Whatever you want, just gon' be us two."

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Coldhart

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PostSubject: Re: The Jocular Jokes Thread!   The Jocular Jokes Thread! I_icon_minitimeSun Dec 05, 2010 6:45 pm

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.

"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one."

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen so I outrank you. So put the tray-up, Bitch"

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Coldhart

Coldhart

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PostSubject: Re: The Jocular Jokes Thread!   The Jocular Jokes Thread! I_icon_minitimeMon Dec 06, 2010 1:51 am

At the risk of being flamed for starting the blonde jokes...

Three women worked on a newly developing skyrise as ironworkers...a redhead, a brunette and of course, a blonde.

All three women ate their lunch together every day at the edge of the building with their feet dangling down. They always liked to discuss the view and how small everything looked from so high up.

One day the Brunette opens her lunch and says "ya know, I'm just sick and tired of this. I'm talking to my husband tonight and if I get the same damn lunch again tomorrow, I'm going to leap to my death." The redhead addresses how she always has the same thing as well and says if she gets the same thing again, she'll jump too. The blonde whole heartedly agrees as well.

The next day the blonde's husband gets a call and rushes to his wife's job site. Upon arriving he's met by the police and the other two girls. The police start to inform him that his wife is dead and the redhead and the brunette explain the pact that they all made.

The blonde's husband just shakes his head and replies "But, she always makes her own lunch".


Last edited by Coldhart on Mon Dec 06, 2010 2:18 am; edited 1 time in total
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Coldhart

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PostSubject: Re: The Jocular Jokes Thread!   The Jocular Jokes Thread! I_icon_minitimeMon Dec 06, 2010 2:03 am

A blonde was going for a drive in the country to get away from all the everyday stress of her life. As she's driving, she spots another blonde woman in a john boat out in the middle of a field. She notices that the woman is trying to row the boat across the field. So discusted by this, the woman drives back into town and straight to her hairdresser.

"I'm tired of all the negativity that comes with being blonde" she says. "I want you to dye my hair red".

Now finished at the hair dresser, she drives out through the country again to relax and what does she see again, in that same field? That same blonde still trying to row that same boat across the same field. She slams on her brakes and jumps from the car and begins to yell at the top of her lungs.

"It's blondes like you that give other blondes a bad name. And if I could swim, I'ld come out there and kick your ass!"
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Coldhart

Coldhart

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PostSubject: Re: The Jocular Jokes Thread!   The Jocular Jokes Thread! I_icon_minitimeMon Dec 06, 2010 2:22 am

How many childhood friends did it take to come over and help Q screw in a lightbulb?

None. The lightbulb hadn't been invented yet! The Jocular Jokes Thread! 199559
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Schwendo

Schwendo

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PostSubject: Re: The Jocular Jokes Thread!   The Jocular Jokes Thread! I_icon_minitimeMon Dec 06, 2010 2:36 am

ROFLMAO!!!! Hilarious u2!!

Sorry for my extended absense. I had serious dj work this weekend. A gi-nor-mous Christmas Party INSIDE Busch stadium on Friday..the stress was unimaginable...

Anyways, I'm back..you guys are awesome! yay!

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The Jocular Jokes Thread! Rigbycrazies2
CHRIS SCHWEN / GUILD CO-LEADER- CRAZIES of KORRIBAN <-CoK-> (dark) CRAZIES of the REPUBLIC <-CoR-> (light)
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Grome
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Grome

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PostSubject: Re: The Jocular Jokes Thread!   The Jocular Jokes Thread! I_icon_minitimeMon Dec 06, 2010 10:56 am

LOL, Cold, the Schwen/Tee joke is fabulous Wink

_________________


When You Argue With Idiots
They Drag You Down To Their Level
And Beat You With Experience
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Ty-Odi
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Ty-Odi

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PostSubject: Re: The Jocular Jokes Thread!   The Jocular Jokes Thread! I_icon_minitimeMon Dec 06, 2010 12:26 pm

Awesome guys, though one me bursting out laughing in the middle of the office.......haha, was funny Smile

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Horeon
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Horeon

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PostSubject: Re: The Jocular Jokes Thread!   The Jocular Jokes Thread! I_icon_minitimeMon Dec 06, 2010 2:44 pm

A joke you say?

Call of Duty: Black Ops.
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Schwendo

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PostSubject: Re: The Jocular Jokes Thread!   The Jocular Jokes Thread! I_icon_minitimeTue Dec 07, 2010 1:35 am

I guess I was Cold's "Schw'inspiration" for that one eh' Grome?! lolol

*hums Chicagos "You're the Inspiration"*

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The Jocular Jokes Thread! Rigbycrazies2
CHRIS SCHWEN / GUILD CO-LEADER- CRAZIES of KORRIBAN <-CoK-> (dark) CRAZIES of the REPUBLIC <-CoR-> (light)
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