How do you tell someone they've joined a totally moronic guild, without offending them?

The topic of this thread has happened to me a few times in the TOR community, so over the period of two and a bit years that I've been posting there, I can't say that it's a "common" occurrence by any stretch of the imagination, but every time it happens, I feel a real pang of regret in my stomach and, finally, I'm going to sit here and write something about it.

What is it? It's when you see someone you like, or at least respect, join a guild that you think is totally... well... stupid.

Now I know "stupid" is a subjective term and one person's "stupid" can be another person's "good fun", and it all depends on your POV, so I'm trying to see past that and only concentrate on the occurrences when a particular guild is well known for, say, trolling or basically making the most inappropriate posts on the official boards. The kinds of guilds, in other words, where you see a member post and you KNOW it will be a stupid post, before you even bother to read what they've said.

And then, into this, will wade someone you like, or at least respect. They join that guild. They wear the signature. They say it's a "great" guild. At this stage, you are basically freaking out. Are they not seeing the trolling? Do they not see the spam and the stupid comments? And if they do, are they actually condoning it by their silence? You drop by their guild forums and poke around... every second post has profanity in it... there are other crass posts... is this REALLY what your friend wants? Is this really what they're into? Are they somehow missing it? Or, worse, do they think "all" guilds are like this, so it's no biggie?

It's happened to me a few times now in the TOR community, and I've never really known how to deal with it.

How do you tell someone they've joined a totally moronic guild, and they could do so much better, without offending them?

In a funny way, it's almost like when a friend starts dating someone who's all wrong for them... but how to bring it up?

I can be a very diplomatic person, but when it comes to my friends, I'm frank and straightforward.
Why? because it's honest. And that's what friends are for. (I am assuming you are talking about friends on the official boards here) . Not an easy one, but if you ask me, be straightforward and honest towards those you care about / call friends. Because If they can't take critique from a friend, it's not worth the friendship.

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And then, into this, will wade someone you like, or at least respect. They join that guild. They wear the signature. They say it's a "great" guild. At this stage, you are basically freaking out. Are they not seeing the trolling? Do they not see the spam and the stupid comments? And if they do, are they actually condoning it by their silence? You drop by their guild forums and poke around... every second post has profanity in it... there are other crass posts... is this REALLY what your friend wants? Is this really what they're into? Are they somehow missing it? Or, worse, do they think "all" guilds are like this, so it's no biggie?

These are the questions I think you should be discussing with these friends/acquaintances. If anything, you get to see their motivations and learn more about the individual person (edit: and maybe reevaluate your respect for the person lol).

But that's just my personal view on things

Diplomacy is for other people, i am blunt. Tell him your opinion, be honest and deal with it from there. A friendship based on the truth where you can share opinions even if you dont agree will last.

Damn, Schwen trolls in here like mad...over 1,000 posts and counting. We have lots of cussing and CRAZY ars vids and stuffs on our site. No, not da Crazies! WHY!?

lol TBH, I would just tell your friend. If they are your friend then you probably have a lot in common for them to be your friend in the first place, right? So they will understand where you're coming from and more than likely take action...either talk to guild or G-quit or whatever.

Just like the others have said, I will be straight forward about what I feel about it (only if he/she is a friend). If it were someone I think is kind of cool but still not my friend, then I will joke about it now and then but let the person go about his business.

Coldhart wrote:

Damn, Schwen trolls in here like mad...over 1,000 posts and counting. We have lots of cussing and CRAZY ars vids and stuffs on our site. No, not da Crazies! WHY!?

That is why joining The Crazies is CRAZY! D=

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How do you tell someone they've joined a totally moronic guild, without offending them?

Like this; hey jack ass, you joined an extremely stupid guild. Resign, NOW.


If you're afraid of telling him that, I'll be glad to do it for you.

ROFL Des/Cold/Dre'

Thats a tough one...but...you got some seriously diverse opinions on how to handle it, hehe.

From one extreme of diplomacy (Aylin), to the other extremes of bluntness (Mongo,Despoina).

I'd wonder what the motivations are to join a guild that has a bad reputation ?? (no Joan Jett song pun here) I would copy/paste a mosaic of all the bad things they have done/are doing. Maybe then your pal will "see the light"??


Good luck Blur, thats a touchy one...

Schwendo wrote:

I'd wonder what the motivations are to join a guild that has a bad reputation ?? (no Joan Jett song pun here) I would copy/paste a mosaic of all the bad things they have done/are doing. Maybe then your pal will "see the light"??

That's the part I don't get... you talk to people and you think, "Wow, you're pretty cool..." or at the every worst, "You seem sensible enough..." and next thing you see them hanging out with the absolute dregs of the TOR forums. It's bizarre.

The biggest issue is sometimes disagreeing with guilds is seen as a personal attack on what they stand for, I am aware many guilds will always be who they are and sometimes people for whatever reason just dont click with each other.

I wouldnt try and make a big issue out of it, just say hey sorry this guild is not for me and move on, leaving it at that, if the guild want to make something of it because of your personal choice then so be it reinforces your decision to leave in the first place if a bi issue is going to be made of it,
People come people go in guilds, most of the time its not personal just preference

See Blur, may I call you Blur? My take on this is that There maybe something that said friend sees in these moronic guildmates of his that are good in their eyes. So should this really bother you? unless they attack you personaly I think you still can hang with your friend if this is what you have done so in the past.

Just my thoughts. Hey would you tell your best friend the new love of his life is an ugly Cow? nope and you would still hang out with him cause as they say "Its what's inside that counts" lol

DaStar wrote:

Just my thoughts. Hey would you tell your best friend the new love of his life is an ugly Cow? nope and you would still hang out with him cause as they say "Its what's inside that counts" lol

No, because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If said GF was walking down the street flipping everyone the bird, however, yes, I'd query it with him.

And that's pretty much the equivalent of what some of the more moronic of the TOR guilds do -- walk down the street flipping everyone the bird.

blur wrote:

DaStar wrote:

Just my thoughts. Hey would you tell your best friend the new love of his life is an ugly Cow? nope and you would still hang out with him cause as they say "Its what's inside that counts" lol

No, because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If said GF was walking down the street flipping everyone the bird, however, yes, I'd query it with him.

And that's pretty much the equivalent of what some of the more moronic of the TOR guilds do -- walk down the street flipping everyone the bird.

nothin wrong with the bird..........
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZThquH5t0ow

maybe we only see half of the picture. the guild they joined may be one that has the same goals they do. ya they may be pricks but maybe your friend doesn't mind hanging out/playing with pricks because in the end their goals are the same.

I work in Public relations and can therefore be very diplomatic. With my friends and family the gloves come off. I'm direct and to the point. This same exact thing has happened to me countless times with friends, regular guild members, and even family.

Anything that happens in game I have to fall into PR mode. Being a GM I absolutely cannot start bashing other guilds. If you are a GM I would strongly advise that you don't either. However, if this friend is a real life friend then I would let him know exactly how I feel about it. The only thing worse than seeing a friend hurt himself is not doing anything about it.

Pixel friends are nice but in the end it's a pretty fake relationship and not worth all the trouble. At best say what you can without blatantly bashing the guild, this will probably only bring resentment towards you. If your friend has any level of intelligence he will realize that his choice may not have been the best one.

Care, be understanding, and hope for the best.

My 2 cents.

Very true, very true.